10.08.09
Something more
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a repeated theme, an idea that has echoed through many of my thoughts. The motif? “Filling the void.” I’ve heard it everywhere. While preparing for the football Mass: in Luke’s Gospel (the story about the empty house) and Saint Augustine, talking about the ‘God-shaped void.’
Then, back to C.S. Lewis, who assures me that dissatisfaction is the natural byproduct of a human life. (Of course we feel dissatisfied with the experiences of this world, because we’re made for the next…) How nice that the empty spaces we sense in our lives are supposed to be that way! I thought it was just me…
A favorite Irish folksong, “Red is the Rose,” describes the cool, clear water that flows from the void, or natural spring in the rocks. (Here, the void is a good place to be.)
Lots of pop culture crosses my brain every day. I’ve been studying the psychology of hoarding. Today, some hoarders appeared on the Oprah show, telling how they collected way too much stuff to fill some kind of a void in their lives. Huh. An alcoholic used the very same words a few minutes later.
I rely frequently on the principles of 12 step programs for substance abusers and enablers. So, those of us who drink/drug/eat/anything too much are simply feeling the void, an emptiness. We don’t like it and do what we can to numb or cover that feeling. Is every obsession just a patch over an empty hole? I’m beginning to think so.
Lots of my friends are struggling with empty nest issues at this point of their lives. I, too, walk around weepy on the weekends simply because I miss my daughter! For eighteen years she was the center of my life, 24/7. What do we do when the loved ones are gone? It’s an emptiness you can feel, and it’s so strong you can hear your heart break.
Some of the mechanisms we use to cope with The Void are respected and rewarded by our culture and world, so it’s really hard to recognize them for what they are, just band-aids. The world tells us that to be good moms, we are supposed to be 100% super involved and devoted to every need of our children. We jump right in, work as hard as we can, and before we know it we’re too busy and tired to notice The Void. The world tells us we need to work hard and get ahead in our career. Perform. Make yourself the most valuable employee. Again, too tired to feel The Void. How about exercise? It’s easy to get caught up in the positive results and spend way too much time at the gym every day. That’s good, right? I’m healthy, I’ve lost a few pounds, toned up…. Could it be another way to cover up The Void? All those things and projects we’re ‘obsessed’ with: what is underneath them?
Truth is, our lives are build on that void. On an empty space. And I think that’s the idea. Nothing here is ever going to fill it. Augustine says only God can fill it. I don’t feel too secure about living with nothing but emptiness below me, but it certainly directs my attention to the right place: God. (Catch me, God! Don’t let me fall!) I am forced to address my relationship with him, warts and all. It’s useless to waste precious time and energy on all those obsessions, possessions, and busy-ness — which we can’t control anyways. The Irish tenors tell me that clean, life-giving water flows from the void. A conversion of the baptized? Maybe a big do-over like Noah’s flood…
Perhaps I should rest in God, and just be with him for awhile, and see if Augustine is right.
